


The Interruption

by Lycaste



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Dark Knight (2008)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 13:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lycaste/pseuds/Lycaste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone interrupts a tense moment between Batman and the Joker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Interruption

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ in October, 2008. I can't believe how long ago that feels! This is the first story I every posted. Hopefully my fics have gotten a little better since then. ;)

 

 **Title:** The Interruption  
 **Pairing:** Batman/Joker  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em  
 **Notes:** A humorous one-shot I couldn't stop thinking about.  
 **Summary:** Someone interrupts a tense moment between Batman and the Joker.

 

 

"SCARECROW! What the hell is taking so long?"

A bellowing voice jolted Batman back to consciousness. Everything felt thick and blurry--like he was swimming blindfolded. He struggled to get his bearings. The events of the past few hours came rushing back to him.

Chasing the Joker into an abandoned warehouse in the Narrows. That grating laughter. The satisfying crack of the clown's skull against his fist.

Then the Joker had raised his arm and sprayed him in the face with...something. Something that smelled like lemons. Something that knocked him out only moments after smelling it. Although not before the Joker had landed a few kicks to his jaw.

He had a crushing headache and tasted blood. He still had on his armor and hood, although that was little consolation. He tried to move and realized his hands were bound behind his back and legs were cuffed and chained about two feet apart.

_The Joker planned this. Fuck._

A quick survey of the barren room revealed the couch that he was lying on, two doors, and his purple wearing nemesis peeking out the drawn shades of a window.

\-------------

The Joker giggled madly to himself. He was watching a police officer question a man living at the house next door. This was simply too good. He had Gotham's vigilante trussed up with the cops right next door, oblivious. The timing of this evening was perfect.

He had been dragging the unconscious Batman through the alleyways when an idea had hit him. Sodium pentothal. Wouldn't that just make their date complete! The Scarecrow would have truth serum. He was the one who gave him _(with just the slightest amount of threatening)_ the aerosol container that knocked out the bat in the first place.

How fortunate he was near the tiny place Scarecrow called a hideout. He had dragged Batman through the back door _(unlocked, Scary? How trusting)_ and set him on the couch. He pounded on the door to the lab _(aha, of course this one he locks)_.

"Just a minute," a mild-mannered voice had answered. That was twenty minutes ago. In another twenty seconds he was going to tear the door down and and just take what he wanted. Maybe rough Crane up a little just for the laughs.

Crane was harder to keep in Arkham than the Joker. Mobsters, drug dealers, and freaks of all kinds were always trying to break him out. Sure his products were unreliable, but when he did come through it was always worth it. Besides some powerful drug connections in China, he had a working knowledge of how to create many compounds on his own.

So although it was tempting to put a smile on that arrogant, pretty face the Joker always restrained himself. Crane was simply too useful. For now.

The madman stalked across the room but stopped abruptly when he realized his captive was awake. Unable to contain his heady elation, he bounced into Batman's lap. The bats face was twisted into his usual snarl, but underneath the mask Bruce Wayne was getting nervous.

The Joker had gotten the drop on him.

It wasn't the pain or torture (which he knew would come) that he feared. It wasn't even the psycho discovering his identity. It was too much close contact with the Joker.

It was a repeat of the interrogation room.

It was the possibility of Joker proving himself right. That they would do this forever. That they really did complete each other.

Chaos through violence, order through violence, both experiencing a powerful release from it. Opposing forces tied together through rage and pain. Right down the edge of the knife.

"Bat-man," the clown wriggled in his lap. "We're finally gonna spend some qua-li-ty time together." He drew out each syllable and licked his lips quickly.

 _Don't show any fear. Remain aloof. He'll let his guard down at some point._ Batman struggled to remain calm.

"I know why you couldn't let me go. I understand you," Joker straddled him and purred. "And now we have all night to - to see just how well you understand me!"

He started grinding his hips into the man beneath him.

Bruce let out a grunt. His tormentor's face was coming closer. He could feel the scratch of a blade on his neck.

"Really, Batsy, you have to learn how to have some fun. You're all uptight from wanting something and not allowing yourself to have it. Lose the rules! See how good chaos feels-uh?" he smacked his lips after the last syllable.

Closer and closer. Despite Joker's erratic facial tics his hips rocked in a consistent rhythm. His spastic upper half seemed disconnected from his steady, calculating lower body.

Closer still. Bruce noticed that his hair and eyes were the same color. Each wild and glittering. Tongue working madly back and forth. His breathing was punctuated by chuckles and gasps. He radiated an unhinged, quivering energy.

 _He's barely in control of himself_ , thought Bruce. The knowledge twisted his stomach with new dread. He felt sick.

At this point he also doubted the armor was completely masking his own erection. He felt even sicker.

The painted face was inches away now. Bruce steeled himself for the inevitable stench which surprisingly didn't come. The Joker smelled like lipstick and....mint? Had he eaten a whole tin of breath mints before drugging him?

He seemed to notice Bruce's reaction. His shoulders shook. "Do you like my breath?"

Centimeters away. "I did it just for youuuu," he drawled. "I didn't want you to be turned off before we could get to know each other better...."

Millimeters away. "....Bruce."

 _Of course he knows. Of course he knows._ Bruce's arms were numb cuffed behind him. He knew he should roar, headbutt, bite. It was all too much. He felt hypnotized by the Joker's voice and his insistent thrusting. When had he begun to thrust back?

The Joker's lips touched his but didn't move. He sighed into Bruce's mouth.

"Madness, as you know, isn't the only thing like gravity. It isn't the only thing that takes a little push."

He finally stopped talking and proceeded to ooze into Bruce, into Batman, with a wet, sloppy, desperate kiss.

\-------------

A kiss that was abruptly interrupted when former Dr. Jonathan Crane burst from the door of his lab into his living room. He was naked and sweaty, clad only in a slim tie, a pair of running sneakers, and his Scarecrow mask.

Most surprising of all was what stood out between his legs. It was quite an impressive sight. Joker tried to lick his lips but his jaw dropped too quickly. _Looks like Scarecrow hides more under his clothes than just fear toxin._

Crane whipped the mask off with a flourish and revealed a triumphant grin. His eyes were unfocused and spiraling. He looked around the room in wonder, as if he'd never been there before. If he was shocked to see the two arch enemies dry humping on his couch, he didn't show it.

"You guys," Crane breathed in a low, conspiratorial whisper, "I'm high on my shit."

And with that, he took off out the front door.

Batman and Joker, all lust and rage momentarily forgotten, looked at each other dumbfounded and turned to watch his retreating form dash down the street. He ran past the police officer talking to his neighbor and smiled at them.

"I'm high on my shit! I'm high on my shit!" Crane windmilled his arms and cackled with glee as he kept running. His tight buns pumped in the moonlight. The cop started running after him and yelling into his radio. There would certainly be more police soon.

 _Wow. Nice ass._ This was the Joker's only coherent thought as he emitted a strangled giggle.

He really wasn't so shocked. This wasn't even on his list of "Top 5 Craziest Things" he'd seen Crane do on a drug deal. He eyed Bruce jealously.

"Come along, darling." The Joker yanked him to his feet and pushed him through Crane's lab. The knife was back at his throat.

The whole sodium pentathol idea was obviously not going to work out, but that was fine. It was only for foreplay anyway. Or maybe the afterglow. He hadn't decided yet. As they moved through the lab he started shoving random vials into his pocket. Didn't Crane ever _label_ anything?

Bruce's head swam as he stumbled awkwardly through the back door. Behind him the Joker was ranting.

"Ok, sure, listen. Listen. Sure he has a nice cock but his head's full of straw! He could never satisfy you."

He slammed Bruce into the side of the brick alleyway, still holding the knife. He threw himself right up against the larger man.

"My place isn't far and it's time to make this a private party. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna showwwww you," he sing songed and pressed his ragged face to Bruce's ear.

"I'm gonna show you _I'm_ the only one who can ever satisfy you."

\---------


End file.
